This is the Josh that I dated from my church. Y'all have to remember this guy barely knew me and we dated for like 3 days. Before that, we never even had a real conversation. He's different now. Not so pushy. We're friends, I think...but this, again, is for spiritual perspective.
Josh:
I am deeply in love with you and want to be strong for you. I will never leave or forsake you just like God.
Me:
hun...I know u think that...but I think your pushing love. in Song of Solomon it says "do not arise or awaken love until it so desires" meaning don't try to push love. Let it happen naturally. I have been thru a lot and I do have a lot of pressure on me but I can't depend on people because one minute they're there and the next...they're gone...I don't think your IN love. I think that u wanna be able to be there for someone. To feel needed. Like... to try to fix things. I'm put thru things as a test just like everyone. Nothing is gonna be easy. But if it ever is, that's when u should worry just like Danny says. It's God's way to pull me closer to Him. And I have a testimony to give. God gave me a story to tell. I'm gonna use it to praise him because He won't bring u to anything that He won't pull you thru. He is an amazing, merciful, forgiving God. And I won't pretend to be perfect. I'm no where close. I've made mistakes. But if God still wants to use me, I still wanna let him.
Josh:
Ok.....ok I like that. That sounds great.
Me:
I just read that out loud...it actually sounds...smart...that's weird for me hahaha
Josh:
Nooo it is smart, cause it came from an intelligent woman. But see what I mean when I rushed you? It IS all my fault, Allison!!! LOLz
Me:
You didn’t rush me. You rushed yourself... I mean I really wasn’t ready to be honest. I’m not looking for a serious relationship right now. I just wanna hang out with people. There's only one relationship I wanna focus on. All others lead to broken hearts
Josh:
Yeah, you’re so right. It’s a self-problem I have to drop, and I’m sorry about it. Maybe we can work up a relationship? I promise it will be slower than Obama becoming a decent politician.
Me:
bahahahahahahaha nice dude.
Josh:
LOLZ Yeah, I’m good...But seriously, would you like that?
Me:
I think there's more to it than me not being ready. I’m like Tricia: I don't date unless I see it going somewhere. That's how she was in high school. But also, I don’t wanna jump into anything with anyone. I’ve done that too many times. I need to do what feels right for me. But I think that it’s you too. I think that you need to have someone to love so u push feelings too fast for one person. You dated Ivey for a week and a half and now she’s like your sister. Love isn’t an overnight thing. It’s gradual. It takes time to develop those feelings for someone. It’s not there one minute and gone the next. True love is either never or forever. That’s why I don’t say I’m in love unless I’m 120% sure of it. I’m not gonna force myself to feel what’s not there. I don’t think u should either. I understand that you wanna be there for me but josh, u just don’t get it. You don’t love me. I promise. When you truly, genuinely are in love, you’ll know it. She'll become your whole life. I know what it's like to be out of your mind in love with someone. I also know what it's like when they think they feel the same way...then realize they don’t.
Josh:
Love: When you care for someone more than yourself unselfishly.
Me:
1 Corinthians 13:4-8a
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not boast, it is not proud. It is not rude, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perserveres. Love never fails.
Josh:
I’ve been looking for that verse .I thought about it last night exactly after I thought about you.
Me:
Josh... no. I'm sorry I don't know how to make this any clearer. You're not in love. Love isn't being zapped with fuzzy feelings. Love is thick and thin. Love is working things out. Love is occasional fights that end in "I love you". Love isn't pet names and attraction. Love is friendship on fire. You can go to each other for ANYTHING and you’re always there for each other. You're the other person's rock and they are yours. They are all you can think about day in and day out. You love them from your soul beyond your mind and heart. They are your first priority right under God. You love them with your spirit. I've only been in love once. And I'm definitely not gonna try to fall in love because then it's not real. Love is a miracle. It's...it can either be like heaven or it can make your life hell. Stop trying so hard to be in love with someone. Let it happen on its own.
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